The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
