I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
