If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
