literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
