i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
