youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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