I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
