so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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