Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
