the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's get the cat blown out
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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