You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
