Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
