the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
