I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
