I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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