Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
