The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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