it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
