Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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