Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
