Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
