Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
