I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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