I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
