mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
