ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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