I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
