Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
