in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
