I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
