she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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