am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
