You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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