I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
