i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
