my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
