i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
