I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
