My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
