Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Boobs speak an international language.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
