This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
