as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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