She said her name was "party"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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