my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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