how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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