Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
