He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
