threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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