Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
