Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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